Not such good news

I finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday. I've not been feeling well for a long time and haven't gone because I am scared of what I would find out. I went through so much with my mom and seeing her feeling great to being told she had cardiomyopathy and then going downhill quickly. She received a heart transplant on July 30, 1998 and died on April 15, 2000, two days after my 26th birthday. My mom and I were so much alike. Even when we were out together everyone either thought we were twins or at the very least that we were sisters. So, for some reason I have always been terrified that we would have the same health issues.

So, I went to the doctor yesterday and of course my blood pressure was sky high. She gave me medicine for that and did an EKG. The EKG was abnormal and had inverted T-waves, which could mean several things. For some reason, she kept asking if I had ever had a heart attack. Of course, I haven't that I know of. I would think I would know if I had, but I suppose I might not if it was something mild. I've had chest pain before and just thought nothing of it. She couldn't tell from the EKG exactly what is wrong with my heart, but there is damage so I have to go for a stress test. So, I have to call Monday to make the appointment for that.

Now I'm wishing I wouldn't have gone to the doctor. This is the can of worms that I didn't want to open. I would rather not know if something is wrong. I would rather just live my life and die when it's my time. My mom went downhill so quickly with her diagnosis and went even faster after the heart transplant that was supposed to make her better and save her life. I'm not going through all of that, it isn't worth it for me. So, if there is anything serious wrong, you won't be seeing me on the surgery table. I've never had surgery and don't plan on having heart surgery. I know I'm putting the cart before the horse here and this could be something minor, but I knew there was something wrong before the doctor even told me and I just know it's not anything minor. I really wish I wouldn't have gone yesterday.